Christmas Eve

My family humors me.

Mom gave me charge of planning our Christmas Eve activities, giving me free reign. She might have regretted that when I decided we were going to dress up to read the Luke account of the Savior's birth...

Mom was Mary, Tickle Me Cookie Monster was the baby Jesus (I used to have a doll, but it's gone the way of all my old toys: my niece has it!) Grandpa was Joseph/a shepherd, Daddy was a wise man and I was the narrator--obviously. My costume has to give it away...

Home

Corbin and I had fun together today. We colored, played a game, watched Murder She Wrote, etc...

I got him to eat his dinner. Struggle, to say the least. The "who can chew the fastest" game helped me out there; a shout-out to Eric for helping me develop my face scrunching skills so I could make eating seem more exciting than he seemed to find it.

Today as I was about to head out from my apartment, I realized I'd forgotten something inside. I ran to get it and hit a patch of ice and fell to the ground. Hard core. I hurt so bad. I don't know if I've ever had pain that bad. I almost passed out on my kitchen floor (luckily I made it up the stairs before shock wore off and I really started feeling anything). So I'm recovering today. My mom and Corbin took good care of me.

I know this was all so exciting, but it was my life today. And it's better than having to write about school.

I hate finals

I wish there were a way for professors to just scan my brain and measure how much of the material I know. Multiple choice tests have always been a weakness of mine, and here I am in the thick of a week replete with blobs of pencil lead determining my GPA.

Blob. Blah.

Dear Eric,

You're taking your final right now. I should be writing one of many essays. I hope you do well on your test, but I'll still like you even if you don't.

This weekend you get to meet people from my past. If you feel uncomfortable it's ok, because I probably will too.

I wish we didn't have to worry about school. I wish we could just sit together and laugh. I want to drive somewhere, some unknown destination--the end of the drive will be the first place we come to that looks fun. We'll get out and throw snow at each other and build a snowman and maybe we can dance under the stars. Or maybe it will be snowing and we can dance in the snow.

You give me something to look forward to in the drudgery of my days. And even though I wish we didn't have school to get in our way, I'm sure glad I have you to get in the way of school.

Yours Truly,
Cindy

Student Ratings

I want professors to do professor ratings. I would benefit from my instructors telling me what I did well as a student and where I could improve. I know grades kind of reflect that, and you can even go in and visit with your professor.

But the reason they have us do student ratings online is so we have no reservations about being honest.

Throw away your inhibitions, professor. Tell me what you hated about having me as a student.

Oh, and throw in some nice stuff, too, so I don't cry for too long.

What I get for...being human.

Do you ever feel like you did something wrong, but you don't know what? And you would do whatever necessary to rectify it, but since you don't know what you did in the first place, you're left with this empty feeling. I just make mistakes left and right.

I should be working on homework or sleeping or something, but instead I'm running through every encounter in my head, and wondering if I just didn't know you well enough to understand what I could or couldn't say safely.

To anyone I've hurt with a careless comment or the like, I am sorry. I try to live my life in a way that shows the people in my life that I love and care about them. Sometimes I mess up.

Books!

So I just bought a gift for Alan and Jessica; I am so excited for them to get it. I got them a book--I want it myself. I might go back to the bookstore and buy another one. I'm still going to get a few children's books to stick in the package for the girls. After Christmas I'll tell you about the book, but I can't tell you now because it might ruin the surprise for them :o)

Eric and I read together on Saturday. It was a book he's reading for his Russian literature class. I liked it. It had beautiful imagery.

We're going to read a book together next semester, which I'm excited about.

I haven't read much lately, unless you count text books... Although I have been working through a book about POWs in the Phillipeans during WWII. Really interesting. I'm not really a fan of the writing; it was coauthored and one of the authors was a PI lawyer. Not exactly a seasoned writer. He uses lots of cliches and such. But the material makes up for his authorial deficiencies. I had no idea about the Death March there and the atrocities of the Japanese military against their POWs.

I'll tell you more about it once I've finished it. I hope to get through it during Christmas break, but we'll see.

The benefits of going to BYU

I don't have to write for The Daily Utah Chronicle.

Their "Note from the Editor" in their Rivalry Guide = case and point.

So kill us--we don't want planned parenthood, night clubs and beer advertised in a publication being distributed on our campus and in our stadium.

The planned parenthood ad was one they tried to slip in last year. This year we were certainly avoiding some bad advertising.

But even more important, heavens, have you read the stuff they write for their Rivalry Guide? Or any of the editorials they write? They have no regard for journalistic integrity. I don't care that it's opinion--things you assert as fact must still, surprise, be fact.

The quality of the writing here is just better. It's under supervision of faculty, yes, and for good reason.

Their proud statement is "The University of Utah's Independent Voice since 1890." Independent of what? Accountability?

The administrative oversight at The Daily Universe, more often than not, just protects us as journalists from making big time mistakes.

"These 36 pages feature the work of the best journalists and designers the University of Utah has to offer," the note said.

If that's the best they have to offer, I fear for the future of journalism--at least at the U.

Ridiculous.

Guess who Sudan has as their humanitarian affairs minister?

Read and be amazed at how corrupt people in this world can be...

Love and Laughter

This semester has had me thinking a lot about human nature. A study of several human nature theories may have had something to do with this...

I don't believe we can figure out a true state of human nature, individuals in a state unaffected by societal interactions. Adam and Eve started out together.

But I do believe there are some things that are simply part of who we are from our simple beginnings. I watched some video clips on my sister's blog of her twins laughing. These babies can't communicate in an advanced way. edited :o)

But these little ones, without any instruction, laugh. Beautiful, isn't it?

Elvin magic.

This is a little something a few of my best friends and I put together. Enjoy.

Christmas!

Some kind of connected, kind of disconnected thoughts

I had a dream a couple nights ago that my Grandpa Lemon died. He's probably the only grandparent I've ever felt really close to. It was sad.

Losing loved ones to death is probably one of my greatest fears. I know I have the knowledge of the gospel to help me along, but that doesn't stop the void in your life. President Hinckley, who probably understands the concept of eternity better than any man living, still aches with the absence of his wife.

Avoiding homework = reading Time magazine, the Nov. 23 and Dec. 3 editions. Here are some things I learned about:

People who get their toddlers tutors. The article said they do it to help their kids get an "academic edge." The article also had quotes from an expert who explained this is detrimental to children because children aren't actually ready to read before age 5, and that identifying a flash card at an early age isn't actually reading, it's called paired-associate learning and a pigeon could do it. Let children be children--that's my credo.

Atheist Sunday School. What kills me about this is that any atheist I have ever known has accused me of blindly following what my parents taught me. Here in this Sunday School in California, atheist children are instructed on how to resist pressure to "believe." Yeah, you're really helping your children make their own decisions--as long as they conform to your disbelief.

Bus drivers are happier in their careers than journalists (the closest Time came to PR).

Eco-anxiety is a real condition. I think I might be developing it after watching "An Inconvenient Truth." I've started only using one paper towel to dry my hands, and I'm developing a nervous twitch...

Thankful-fors

So I had a good list of things here. Wishes for if I had more time. It got erased--maybe that was God's way of telling me to be satisfied with what I can do right now...

And I am. I never got around to doing a "thankful for" list before Thanksgiving, so maybe I'll tell you why I'm grateful for the things that you usually hear me complain about--because they're all things I chose to do in the first place, so there's a reason, right?

Early morning ballet. Love it. Really, even though I hate getting up! It gets me started each day. I feel beautiful when I do ballet. I'm doing something good for my body. I feel like I get to see the beauty in all these girls I dance with. I'm learning about a very refined style of dance.

Western Political Heritage. The hardest class I have. Remarkably, also the class I'm doing best in right now (we'll see after finals...). I love learning about different philosophies, so if you hear me complain about this class, it's because it's so much work. It's an intellectual workout and my brain feels good!

Writing for the paper. Goodness, how much I could say here...It is sooooooo stressful! Deadlines and deadlines, having to shove the rest of my life onto a back burner to meet those deadlines...but I get to learn about all this beautiful artwork, and talk to these incredible people who create it and have this amazing outlook on what's important in life--it's taught me so much about myself. And I love to write.

PRSSA. Wow, what ton of time I put into this. But I work with amazing people, I'm building my resume and portfolio, and I enjoy it. It adds some meaning to my life. The newsletter is my baby, and it's come a long way since I took over. It's something tangible to show for my work, which is always nice.

Work. So I don't know if I necessarily complain a lot about this, but it certainly takes away a good chunk of my time, and since I complain about not having time...this might be included. I like the people at my work. And I am going to like my new job so much. The training hasn't gotten too intense yet, so really it's just me adding my creative juices so far. Which is nice.

This is long. So I'm going to get back to homework. That I love :)

A few things

I was reading Titus 1:15 tonight and I love/fear this concept. I hope I can always feel pure before the Lord so the things I do become offerings to Him. What a wonderful thing to think about!

I hope to have at least one thought worth writing down each time I read the scriptures. For me, being able to write something about the things I study and learn is important.

The comms department has a Vienna Study Abroad program. I would love to go back to Europe. Maybe I should work on getting my internship abroad instead, though.

I used to write a lot of poetry. It may not have been the best prose, but I loved it. It's been so long since I wrote creatively. In college it's all about facts. Every essay I write these days demands a lot of information in a small space. I think to help me feel better about writing, I need to let myself do a little creative writing on my own now and then.

Maybe I'll share...keep your eyes peeled.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was great!

Well I have to start with the first two days of my break. I spent time with my mom, dad, sisters, brother, great times! And then Eric got here in time for my sister's birthday dinner at a Thai restaurant in Tooele. It was a lot of fun. Eric had my sister and me laughing until we cried.

I could go into all sorts of details about Thanksgiving, but I mainly want to say how much I loved having this time with my family, and how great it was to have Eric along.

I got to see aunts and uncles, siblings, grandparents, cousins, nieces and nephews (including both sets of twins!) and in spite of the fact that I was still thinking about school and getting kind of stressed out, I got to push those worries to a back burner and focus on the things--the people who are most important in life.

I'm part of beautiful

Yesterday I got to go to the University Student Council Conference, a conference for people in student leadership positions. Being director of records for PRSSA, I suppose I qualified, because I got an invite.

President Samuelson is the keynote speaker every year for the event, and there's catered lunch, so put the two together and I can't resist. Free food and Cecil--what more could a girl ask?

The theme of the conference was "Stand a Little Taller," and everything related back to President Hinckley's book "Standing for Something." President Samuelson shared personal experiences he's had with President Hinckley. Each story helped illustrate how President Hinckley doesn't just say good things, he does good things. There were lots of fun stories and some serious ones; all of them were inspiring and you should ask me about them if you want to know more.

What I really wanted to talk about here is a concept I've struggled with that seemed to really sink in today because of the breakaway session I attended called "Good for Something." The instructor was John P. Livingstone (sorry anyone I confused when I said Johnson yesterday). The entire lesson was amazing, but a simple object lesson he used impacted me the most.

He had a guitar, and he had played a couple songs, had us sing along on one, etc. Then he strummed a chord, and told us "Hum this note." We all sat there looking at each other for a moment, confused--that was more than one note! But we all chose a note, and he seemed thrilled. We'd hummed a chord!

"There's a spiritual hum in the universe," he said. "Everyone participates to make a beautiful harmony."

It was a nice little thought and I jotted it down in my notebook. That may have been where it stopped.

But today during the Sacrament I was glancing over my notes, and the thought penetrated my mind: In spite of my weaknesses, the strengths I have are part of the universal hum.

I help make this world beautiful.

Body image

An assignment I had to do for Media Literacy after looking in the mirror for 15 minutes and reading an article called "The more you add, the more you subtract," about the image media and society in general promote for girls to aspire to. Messed up. This is the most honest I've been with myself in a while, actually admitting that I'm so critical, that I've had those really hard periods when I have actually struggled with body image.

The last thought I recorded as I finished up my time in front of the mirror summed up my experience in general.

“And I especially hate how this became a time for me to find the negative. That wasn’t my assignment, but it’s what I started out doing, as though that had been what she’d told me to do.

“I was just to look.

“Instead I critiqued.”

Then I read the article and agreed with everything.

I thought about last summer, when I gained 15 pounds in less than two months. 15 pounds on my frame—heavens, I probably need that 15 pounds. But all at once, well, it was overwhelming. I hated myself. It was ridiculous.

I started having a complex with food. I was nannying and they spent $40 a week for my groceries. More than half of what I spend a month when I’m at school. I was at a loss! What does one spend $40 on? I started buying snacks, mainly low-calorie ones, health food, etc.

But I would torture myself having those snacks around. Growing up we didn’t really have snacks around. If we were hungry, we made some food. Usually the effort required helped keep me from eating unless I was actually hungry. Here I was with all this food at my fingertips, and I was in the middle of Massachusetts and I knew hardly anyone, so food and TV became my companions, but then I would feel guilty for eating the snacks because I’d gained weight, and I’d beat up on myself. I started going to the gym regularly for the first time in my life, but I didn’t feel like it was helping. It was this awful cycle and I felt like I was spiraling.

The only way I made it through was because of church and prayer (sorry to pull the spiritual card in an assignment…). But it was not easy and I probably still have not worked through a lot of it. I got back to school at the end of that summer, ate less, walked a ton, got into a dance class and lost all the weight. Now, a year later, I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been at in years.

But I still see thinner girls and I wish my hips were smaller.

I wear 26” waist jeans.

I "Kant" understand it...

Well, I spend a lot of time studying political philosophy, so of course it bleeds over into other things. I think just about every time I'm studying for another class something pops into my head from this political heritage class. Point and case: last night's scripture study. But my thought process was kind of interesting so I thought I'd share what I wrote in my journal, although it comes to no conclusions. Esta mi vida.

I read in Abraham 3 tonight about God's reckoning of time, Kolob, you know the bit. But you also learn about God being unbound by time--but he must be subject to time because for everyone the eternities are a progression. I don't think it's linear, however, but I don't understand planes of time, so when I go to heaven's remedial science classes this is something I'll need to have someone explain.

A little about me

I realized my blog tells nothing about what I do day-to-day. So here's a little run-down.

So I have fun with classes, although they're challenging.
Ballet 290. I feel graceful at times, clumsy at others...
News Reporting (on staff at The Daily Universe). For this I write two stories a week toward a total of 29 before the end of the semester.
Western Political Heritage (Political philosophy from Machiavelli on up) means I write at least three papers a week. And read. And breathe philosophy.
My Pearl of Great Price class gives me two more essays a week (short ones, but they still add to the massive amounts of writing I do!).
And finally there's Media Literacy, which tops it all off with another essay each week.

So I write a lot. And read a lot.

I work in classifieds at The Daily Universe.
In training for a public relations position at The Daily Universe. In my new position, which begins officially winter semester, I will be helping coordinate the special publications The Daily Universe produces, such as Bridal Guide, Housing Guide and YBook.

I'm Director of Records for the BYU chapter of PRSSA My responsibilities include coordinating a monthly newsletter and going to lots of meetings, usually three a week.

I feel like this is a resume. I'm done now.

Back in cyberspace

So it's time to tell a story with climactic drama, for Gabe's sake.

Yesterday I was with my mom. She told me a great one, so I'll borrow, since I have very little to tell these days except the latest fiasco writing a newspaper article.

My nephew Corbin, who will be 5 in 20 days (as he'll remind you), was in the Primary program on Sunday. He had a line to recite and Grandma, since she was with me at my cousin's farewell, could not go watch him. She decided to call and have him rehearse it to her. He did, mumbling and speeding through it.

Well, that wouldn't do for Grandma.

So she reminded him that when he said his line in Sacrament meeting he needed to say it nice and loud so everyone could hear it. He responded that he didn't really understand it, and tried to tell Grandma what his teacher had said it meant--obviously the message had not sunk in.

The line was about missionary work, so my mom tried to explain about how when he got big he could be a missionary and go tell people about Jesus.

"But I don't want to be a missionary," he exclaimed. "I want to be Spiderman!"

BEST PICTURE EVER

No really. It is.

My mom loves forwards...

She does.

So first is this fun little story that explains why men shouldn't be allowed to write advice columns:

Walter's Problem Page

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I had not gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home, I could not believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he could not find his own underwear. However, when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he had been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was laid off from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant. I do not feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Norma

Dear Norma:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of engine faults Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum tubes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter

And here's this funny clip she sent--it's a Toyota commercial.

Change

Sometimes change has to happen. Right now? I need to get better at staying off the blogs, email and social networks and focus on my political philosophy homework. Descartes and Hobbes are calling my name.

Descartes dualistic view of the world and human souls utterly confuses me, but my professor tells me that the Cartesian method of discovering truth saturates modern thought. After all, his theories were a big part of the development of the scientific method--the way that most of us approach even simple, mundane tasks.

He said that by means of reason, the human soul is able to discern truth. We are free, able to do so.

But Descartes also said that the world was bound--amoral, finite and causal. So how could a soul within such a world have choice? Be free, moral, infinite?

Maybe I'll find out in class.

Sniffle*

I'm sick. Because I don't sleep enough. I miss my bed.

Random!

Last week someone from All Barn Wood called in a classified ad for a "stripping assistant."

I'm happily distracted these days, although it might not help my grades.

I saw Rushmore (edited) last night. I liked it. Random. Funny.

I hate ipods. After sitting in Sam's Club for 7 hrs on Monday and seeing person after person detached from the world around them with their headphones in, I felt sick. What happened to real interaction with the world you're in?

Speaking of. I was at my friend's house on Saturday, and we were watching a movie. There were only about two of the ten people there that didn't get up at some point to answer their cell phones (I am happy to say I was one of those two!). The guy next to me--he was the worst! Not only did he go answer his phone a couple of times, but he was also texting the entire time. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but you go watch a movie with a group of people to a: watch the movie. b: enjoy one anothers' company. None of this was happening. Grr!

Dreams

I forgot I wanted to mention this--I had the craziest dream last night. Nix that. It wasn't the craziest one I've had. I'll go into detail about a few. Last night, however, I had a dream that I was a dalmatian dog. A male dalmatian puppy, to be specific. I was being held captive, and I had to escape from the people that were exploiting me. I managed to escape with the help of Katy (my sister in real life, just a smart girl within the context of my dream).

I have no idea what this means.

The craziest dreams I've ever had:

I was Spiderman. Really, Spiderman. Not myself dressed as Spiderman. There was an anti-spiderman that looked just like me, and I had to defeat him because no one else knew who was who. We had an awesome battle in this massive glass-paned hallway. I won.

The Chinese had invaded Utah. West Jordan, to be specific (my hometown). The elementary school across the street from my house was home base for those fighting against them, and I was in my tent one night, and suddenly three Chinese men started attacking the tent. My sister came out of nowhere with a samurai sword and fought them off. It was really impressive.

Then there was the series of dreams I had with strange men chasing me. I was always running for my life. One time they had even captured me, and I jumped out a second-story apartment window and adrenaline was the only thing sustaining me as I ran in the rain.

Wow, I get attacked in dreams a lot. I don't fear for my life. Promise.

Stream of consciousness writing

Preface: I'm ridiculous and if you're unfortunate enough to be reading this, I'm not really worried about people liking my blog--it's kind of like my own little online journal that I don't expect people to get new ideas from or anything. So sorry.

Yawn. I wish I had a cookie to eat right now even though I already ate one. Gabe didn’t like stream of consciousness writing. I like it because I can write about how I hate htat my legs are crossed and one is bouncing. My nose itches. My thoughts are so intellectual right now. Gabe had me look up the senator in Idaho that is caught in a sex scandal. Gay, they say. I hate when people are hypocrites to that degree. Plato wrote some good stuff. My thought is actually wondering where that came from. It was a header ina book I was just flipping through. Mixed Media. For my online class I have to finish in a week. I still have to read Standing for Something. Good homework, if you ask me. My elbow, shoulder, side itch. Why am I so itchy? Probably my medication. Pursed lips. That girl from Miss Teen USA—Miss South Carolina. I despise the image that girls like that give the female population in general. If she had a free afternoon she’d like, go out on the lake, with like, all her friends, and they’d get tan and bleach their hair and. Got a phone call. Disrupted my rantings. Mike always calls from across the room. He can’t just ask me? That wouldn’t be annoying enough. I have a love/hate relationship with Pandora. I like that I get all sorts of music, but sometimes their “similar” music to the style of artist I start out with becomes soooo far from what I wanted in the first place. I’m tired. I don’t want to work today. I’m going to Progrexion for a few hours today so I can just go for three hours on Saturday so my mom can come help me move before the football game. She is going to help me make a budget for Fall, too. Only 15.5 hrs at the DU. I’m going to be poor. But soon I start training for PR—special sections. I will get a lot of experience with publications this fall. I need to meet with Prof Wakefield to figure out how to plan a newsletter. I hope the people I have signed on don’t mind that I know nothing. They’re all older than me. Shayne’s always busy. So am I. So busy that I’m doing stream of consciousness writing. My ear itches now. I have a tick that is making me think about doing French spacing v not. I hadn’t ever thought about it until someone brought it up today. Now I don’t know if I should do one or two spaces after my periods. It’s varied throughout. Song called Indigo Girls. I wonder if it’s feminist. Probably. Girls sing mean songs about boys. I don’t know that boys sing as many mean songs about girls. I think sometimes they get frustrated. But girls act like boys are always the culprit in every breakup. I know that I have done dumb things that have hurt guys that I’ve dated. I am learning. There’s certainly a learning curve in dating as in anything else. It is an angry girl song. I knew it.

Inconsistency

Things I dislike with a passion:

People who seem otherwise completely intelligent misusing and interchanging "me" and "I" in phrases. Sometimes I think people are trying to sound smart, when they are in fact botching the English language (yes, for me this constitutes botching the language). An illustration on how much this actually bothers me--a google chat with a friend:

Him: "Soo, how is work? Do you want to come to the rope swings in Mona with Chad, Summer, Veronika and I after work?"

Me: "Do you want to come to the rope swings in Mona with Chad, Summer, Veronika and [insert the grammatically correct ME here] after work?"

Girls who dress up for sporting events. I don't really need to elaborate.

When people do not shut my locker above my desk at work when they come use something of mine. There was going to be a photo to go along with this, but my camera here at work is in mutiny. Things left open in general--doors, cabinets, drawers.

It's also kind of bothering me that my draft keeps getting autosaved when I haven't added to it. Don't ask why. I should appreciate it.

I'm done. I really just wanted to talk about "me" and "I" because of a caption I read on facebook. I figured this was a good outlet.

Celebrations

Well, the Fourth of July has come and passed. Here are my observations:

Every time any of the armed services people passed by in the parade I couldn't help but tear up--there's no event tied to that. Just admiration.

Barbecues are better when it involves a family of some sort.

So are parades.

Fireworks are best when huge, sparkly, and free.

That's all for now. There's plenty more to be said of Independence Day. I'll finish with my two cents--I love this country. It's not perfect. It's not governed by perfect people. But it's the best nation in the world.

Giving it a whirl

I've never done the blog thing before--unless you count angst-filled posts on myspace as a teenager. It's time I gave it a chance.

As I was searching my brain for a name for my blog, I hit a road-block and decided to take a detour (taking the bad road because the good road was unavailable). I looked up different words of the day on various dictionary sites. Ingenue seemed best, but then I decided that no one would get it; few probably understand what I changed it to anyhow.

Probably the worst word I encountered was eupeptic. Words that have dual meanings are fun sometimes, but this one... "1. of, relating to, or having good digestion 2. cheerful, optimistic"

Those two definitions should not be juxtaposed.

It's time to go put out fires started because of production errors. Love life at The DU.