Thankful-fors

So I had a good list of things here. Wishes for if I had more time. It got erased--maybe that was God's way of telling me to be satisfied with what I can do right now...

And I am. I never got around to doing a "thankful for" list before Thanksgiving, so maybe I'll tell you why I'm grateful for the things that you usually hear me complain about--because they're all things I chose to do in the first place, so there's a reason, right?

Early morning ballet. Love it. Really, even though I hate getting up! It gets me started each day. I feel beautiful when I do ballet. I'm doing something good for my body. I feel like I get to see the beauty in all these girls I dance with. I'm learning about a very refined style of dance.

Western Political Heritage. The hardest class I have. Remarkably, also the class I'm doing best in right now (we'll see after finals...). I love learning about different philosophies, so if you hear me complain about this class, it's because it's so much work. It's an intellectual workout and my brain feels good!

Writing for the paper. Goodness, how much I could say here...It is sooooooo stressful! Deadlines and deadlines, having to shove the rest of my life onto a back burner to meet those deadlines...but I get to learn about all this beautiful artwork, and talk to these incredible people who create it and have this amazing outlook on what's important in life--it's taught me so much about myself. And I love to write.

PRSSA. Wow, what ton of time I put into this. But I work with amazing people, I'm building my resume and portfolio, and I enjoy it. It adds some meaning to my life. The newsletter is my baby, and it's come a long way since I took over. It's something tangible to show for my work, which is always nice.

Work. So I don't know if I necessarily complain a lot about this, but it certainly takes away a good chunk of my time, and since I complain about not having time...this might be included. I like the people at my work. And I am going to like my new job so much. The training hasn't gotten too intense yet, so really it's just me adding my creative juices so far. Which is nice.

This is long. So I'm going to get back to homework. That I love :)

A few things

I was reading Titus 1:15 tonight and I love/fear this concept. I hope I can always feel pure before the Lord so the things I do become offerings to Him. What a wonderful thing to think about!

I hope to have at least one thought worth writing down each time I read the scriptures. For me, being able to write something about the things I study and learn is important.

The comms department has a Vienna Study Abroad program. I would love to go back to Europe. Maybe I should work on getting my internship abroad instead, though.

I used to write a lot of poetry. It may not have been the best prose, but I loved it. It's been so long since I wrote creatively. In college it's all about facts. Every essay I write these days demands a lot of information in a small space. I think to help me feel better about writing, I need to let myself do a little creative writing on my own now and then.

Maybe I'll share...keep your eyes peeled.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was great!

Well I have to start with the first two days of my break. I spent time with my mom, dad, sisters, brother, great times! And then Eric got here in time for my sister's birthday dinner at a Thai restaurant in Tooele. It was a lot of fun. Eric had my sister and me laughing until we cried.

I could go into all sorts of details about Thanksgiving, but I mainly want to say how much I loved having this time with my family, and how great it was to have Eric along.

I got to see aunts and uncles, siblings, grandparents, cousins, nieces and nephews (including both sets of twins!) and in spite of the fact that I was still thinking about school and getting kind of stressed out, I got to push those worries to a back burner and focus on the things--the people who are most important in life.

I'm part of beautiful

Yesterday I got to go to the University Student Council Conference, a conference for people in student leadership positions. Being director of records for PRSSA, I suppose I qualified, because I got an invite.

President Samuelson is the keynote speaker every year for the event, and there's catered lunch, so put the two together and I can't resist. Free food and Cecil--what more could a girl ask?

The theme of the conference was "Stand a Little Taller," and everything related back to President Hinckley's book "Standing for Something." President Samuelson shared personal experiences he's had with President Hinckley. Each story helped illustrate how President Hinckley doesn't just say good things, he does good things. There were lots of fun stories and some serious ones; all of them were inspiring and you should ask me about them if you want to know more.

What I really wanted to talk about here is a concept I've struggled with that seemed to really sink in today because of the breakaway session I attended called "Good for Something." The instructor was John P. Livingstone (sorry anyone I confused when I said Johnson yesterday). The entire lesson was amazing, but a simple object lesson he used impacted me the most.

He had a guitar, and he had played a couple songs, had us sing along on one, etc. Then he strummed a chord, and told us "Hum this note." We all sat there looking at each other for a moment, confused--that was more than one note! But we all chose a note, and he seemed thrilled. We'd hummed a chord!

"There's a spiritual hum in the universe," he said. "Everyone participates to make a beautiful harmony."

It was a nice little thought and I jotted it down in my notebook. That may have been where it stopped.

But today during the Sacrament I was glancing over my notes, and the thought penetrated my mind: In spite of my weaknesses, the strengths I have are part of the universal hum.

I help make this world beautiful.

Body image

An assignment I had to do for Media Literacy after looking in the mirror for 15 minutes and reading an article called "The more you add, the more you subtract," about the image media and society in general promote for girls to aspire to. Messed up. This is the most honest I've been with myself in a while, actually admitting that I'm so critical, that I've had those really hard periods when I have actually struggled with body image.

The last thought I recorded as I finished up my time in front of the mirror summed up my experience in general.

“And I especially hate how this became a time for me to find the negative. That wasn’t my assignment, but it’s what I started out doing, as though that had been what she’d told me to do.

“I was just to look.

“Instead I critiqued.”

Then I read the article and agreed with everything.

I thought about last summer, when I gained 15 pounds in less than two months. 15 pounds on my frame—heavens, I probably need that 15 pounds. But all at once, well, it was overwhelming. I hated myself. It was ridiculous.

I started having a complex with food. I was nannying and they spent $40 a week for my groceries. More than half of what I spend a month when I’m at school. I was at a loss! What does one spend $40 on? I started buying snacks, mainly low-calorie ones, health food, etc.

But I would torture myself having those snacks around. Growing up we didn’t really have snacks around. If we were hungry, we made some food. Usually the effort required helped keep me from eating unless I was actually hungry. Here I was with all this food at my fingertips, and I was in the middle of Massachusetts and I knew hardly anyone, so food and TV became my companions, but then I would feel guilty for eating the snacks because I’d gained weight, and I’d beat up on myself. I started going to the gym regularly for the first time in my life, but I didn’t feel like it was helping. It was this awful cycle and I felt like I was spiraling.

The only way I made it through was because of church and prayer (sorry to pull the spiritual card in an assignment…). But it was not easy and I probably still have not worked through a lot of it. I got back to school at the end of that summer, ate less, walked a ton, got into a dance class and lost all the weight. Now, a year later, I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been at in years.

But I still see thinner girls and I wish my hips were smaller.

I wear 26” waist jeans.

I "Kant" understand it...

Well, I spend a lot of time studying political philosophy, so of course it bleeds over into other things. I think just about every time I'm studying for another class something pops into my head from this political heritage class. Point and case: last night's scripture study. But my thought process was kind of interesting so I thought I'd share what I wrote in my journal, although it comes to no conclusions. Esta mi vida.

I read in Abraham 3 tonight about God's reckoning of time, Kolob, you know the bit. But you also learn about God being unbound by time--but he must be subject to time because for everyone the eternities are a progression. I don't think it's linear, however, but I don't understand planes of time, so when I go to heaven's remedial science classes this is something I'll need to have someone explain.

A little about me

I realized my blog tells nothing about what I do day-to-day. So here's a little run-down.

So I have fun with classes, although they're challenging.
Ballet 290. I feel graceful at times, clumsy at others...
News Reporting (on staff at The Daily Universe). For this I write two stories a week toward a total of 29 before the end of the semester.
Western Political Heritage (Political philosophy from Machiavelli on up) means I write at least three papers a week. And read. And breathe philosophy.
My Pearl of Great Price class gives me two more essays a week (short ones, but they still add to the massive amounts of writing I do!).
And finally there's Media Literacy, which tops it all off with another essay each week.

So I write a lot. And read a lot.

I work in classifieds at The Daily Universe.
In training for a public relations position at The Daily Universe. In my new position, which begins officially winter semester, I will be helping coordinate the special publications The Daily Universe produces, such as Bridal Guide, Housing Guide and YBook.

I'm Director of Records for the BYU chapter of PRSSA My responsibilities include coordinating a monthly newsletter and going to lots of meetings, usually three a week.

I feel like this is a resume. I'm done now.

Back in cyberspace

So it's time to tell a story with climactic drama, for Gabe's sake.

Yesterday I was with my mom. She told me a great one, so I'll borrow, since I have very little to tell these days except the latest fiasco writing a newspaper article.

My nephew Corbin, who will be 5 in 20 days (as he'll remind you), was in the Primary program on Sunday. He had a line to recite and Grandma, since she was with me at my cousin's farewell, could not go watch him. She decided to call and have him rehearse it to her. He did, mumbling and speeding through it.

Well, that wouldn't do for Grandma.

So she reminded him that when he said his line in Sacrament meeting he needed to say it nice and loud so everyone could hear it. He responded that he didn't really understand it, and tried to tell Grandma what his teacher had said it meant--obviously the message had not sunk in.

The line was about missionary work, so my mom tried to explain about how when he got big he could be a missionary and go tell people about Jesus.

"But I don't want to be a missionary," he exclaimed. "I want to be Spiderman!"